Feelings and Fears
by Cerise Jones
Summary: Post GOTG Vol.1 Gamora has just entered a new life with new companions and with that comes new feelings... especially when it comes to one half Terran. So whilst having these strange and confusing emotions, it doesnt help when an unexpected encounter with her past causes her to have a panic attack and there is only one person who can bring her comfort.


Post GOTG Vol.1

Approx 2 months after:

Gamora and Peter both sat in the pilot seats of the Milano, deep into the night, gazing out into the beautiful rubix of the galaxy. Although filled with horrible memories, they both found the soup of stars and planets comforting, it is now their home after all.

Peter was just drifting off when he felt a warm hand softly lay itself upon his. The touch sent sparks of warmth up his arm as he looked up to meet the face of the owner. Gamora - a beautiful mystery that he could not solve but couldn't stop trying to figure her out. Her brown eyes scanned his face, she gave him a look he had not seen her give him before, she looked comfortable yet... nervous? In avoidance of asking her what she was thinking (which he knew would only get a cryptic and defensive reply) he simply gazed back in awe and cracked a side smile that he'd seen Gamora blush to before, hoping she would say something before he blurted out some embarrassing tangle of words about how she was the most stunning woman in the galaxy.

Gamora hadn't felt this content in decades. As she stared out into the stars she felt a warmth glow inside her, the feeling of belonging. Her whole life under the rule of Thanos she thought escape was impossible, never in a million eons would she have thought she'd be sitting in the cockpit of a ship accompanied by the man who was apart of her freedom and friends she had gained for life somewhere sleeping in the heart of the ship.

Without thinking, which is very much unlike her who critically analyses anything that comes her way, she felt her body react without her and her hand stretched across and laid itself on Peter's.

The second their hands connected she reacted. Her eyes swung round to meet the side of his face, with dancing lights of the galaxy reflecting on it. As she looked at him she felt something she'd never felt before. It was like fire in her lungs, but it wasn't pain - that was a feeling she'd be able to detect in a heartbeat- no, it was warmth and sparks and light. The more she scanned his face the more that feeling thrived, growing concern within her. She wondered if she was ill, maybe the start of a cold? Even though she was modified the odd illness still caught her. But this was more powerful than sickness. As she finished scanning Peter's presence, from the awkward curl of his brown-blonde hair to the soft rise and fall of his chest she discovered what this feeling was. It was him. Nobody she had ever encountered made her feel the way he did. He treasured her, which confused Gamora as she did not see what was worth treasuring. All her life she has believed she was a monster, the killer and weapon that Thanos had forced her into being, but Peter convinced her she was more than that. He saw something in her that she could not see herself and at that moment, when Peter's gaze met her's, her heart did something it has never done before - it skipped a beat. At this point Gamora was frustrated because she could not understand her own feelings. She is a hardened, unfeeling trained assassin, she does not let her heart malfunction just because a mortal, half-Terran fool with a goofy smile and wide eyes is looking at her.

She felt the awkwardness start to rise as she realised she was sitting there holding Peter's hand and staring at him, with what probably was an undetectable expression, not saying anything. Which was ridiculous as her and Peter have talked for hours in this very spot.

She did not know how to process what she was feeling, let alone try and form it into comprehensible words that she could say to him. So, as usual, she shoved those emotions to the bottom of her heart and called upon her frequent cold exterior to protect her from being vulnerable. It was harder than usual to suppress, which frustrated her even more but it eventually cooled down. And instead of letting her self open up and telling Peter how she really feels, she choked out the first sentence her fuzzy mind could conjure.

"Sorry I was... trying to... wake you. It is getting late, I'm going to go to my room and y'know...um... sleep." She paused.

"Just thought I would tell you that."

Gamora's eyes instantly dropped to the floor as she registered the stupidness of the sentence she just splurged out. He made her nervous which was foolish because he was just sitting there... looking quite alluring and charming... and at that traitorous thought she whipped up faster than expected and stumbled away to her room as fast as she could. She heard Peter mumble something behind her but her head was too full of embarrassment and frustration to hear it.

Peter sat there dazed as he heard Gamoras light footsteps sprint away to her room. She held his hand. Which is something that he has tried to encourage her to do for months through pestering flirtation. Gamora held his hand. If it were any other girl he would feel like an idiot for becoming so giddy over hand holding... stars know he's gone a lot further with other girls, but this was Gamora. The queen of never-giving-Peter-any-affection. And for a second there, she was looking at him in a... a... loving way? No, no . Peter became embarrassingly excited at the thought but chucked it out because he had been trying to win her heart for months and there's no way she would have finally caved in tonight... right?

The next morning was like all mornings aboard the Milano with the Guardians of the Galaxy - hectic.

Gamora woke up to the sound of Rocket's power tools drilling through her head. Before she could prepare her voice to shout over it, she was spared as Drax had beaten her to it.

"What are you doing at this hour, rodent? Producing such noise that would make Quill's music appear admirable?"

"Hey!" Peter scolded.

"Ugh - shut up ya big decorated fruitcake I'm working!! I think best in the morning, unlike you dumbasses."

"I am not a fruitcake."

"And I am not a rodent!"

"And my music is admirable"

"I am Groot?"

"No Groot.. you're not a chair." Rocket said confused. "Nobody even said that."

As Gamora reluctantly walked into the refreshing thickness of confrontation in the air, the first eyes she met were warm and hazel. Her heart twisted. Why does it keep doing that?!

With her agitation at the betrayal of her own heart she purposely avoided Peter's presence , which felt horribly mean and out of place as every morning she usually greets him with a rare smile and asks him how he sleeps, with him giving an inside joke about something they stayed up all night to talk about. But today she couldn't face him... because she was finally cracking and feeling emotions she didn't know she was capable of and she was confused annoyed at him for making her feel confused and annoyed.

Like every morning, when Peter saw Gamora walk into the communal area he lighted up. He always laughed to himself about how messy her a hair was and how she dressed so causally in baggy shorts and one of his old t-shirts, a look that starkly contrasted with her normal immaculate battle uniform. His eyes scanned her face for any traces of answers for last night, but when her eyes locked on his and darted away quickly she remained impartial. Today, she didn't give him that morning smile that he loves and didn't ask him how he slept. That made Peter confused and hurt as he wondered what had changed last night.

Is she okay? Of course she's okay she's Gamora, but is there something she's hiding from him? Because that would be very difficult to find out.

The speculation was killing him so as Drax and Rocket cleared up another one of their dumb arguments, he went towards the kitchen where he knew Gamora would be making them breakfast.

Peter stood in the doorway, watching Gamora as she opened what he had assumed to be a fridge in space form when he bought it.

"Hey!" he said sheepishly, which was unusual for him because he's usually so bold.

Gamora avoided his gaze "Morning Peter." she mumbled.

Peter felt uneasy at the lack of conversation so blurted out the first idea in his head.

"You know what we should all do today?!"

Gamora finally looked at him with an icy expression, the raised her eyebrows in question. This made Peter stutter because he hadn't actually prepared an answer before blurting out the question.

"Uh... we should... go to the nearest planet we've never been to before and check it out... like a vacation or something after all our hard work on Xandar."

Gamora's face relaxed and she returned her eyes to the fridge "That would probably end in disaster, the five of us in a new place, with little knowledge about what we're facing, seeing how we took down one of Thanos' most reputable beings."

Peter clammed up. "Oh! Yeah I guess you're right... you know... I get why you don't wanna go." He felt deflated. He was turning to leave when Gamora said

"Just because it may end in disaster does not mean it will..." at this she looked round to meet Peter's face. He lit up.

"I would gladly venture to a new planet with you all, Peter Quill. I have never experienced a... vacation?" she gave him a soft smile which made Peter way too over excited.

"Really?! Good..good! I'll tell the others and then we can get ready!"

She laughed at his over enthusiasm which sent shivers down his spine. Her laugh is a rare melody that he treasures whenever it appears, he wishes she would do it more often.

"What's this dumb planet called we're wasting fuel on?" Rocket grumbled as they all buckled in for the journey.

"Xorad, and it's only 20 clicks away." Gamora said exasperated.

"I am excited to see a new planet. I shall be able to make new memories among new friends" Drax said. Peter turned to him with a smile but he only got a blank expression in return.

"That is kind of you to state, Drax" Gamora said.

"Ugh- spare me the mushy sentimental crap, I'm excited to see if there are any idiots I can try my new weapon on" Rocket beamed.

"I told you to stop making weapons on my ship! It's dangerous."

"What?! I thought this was our ship now. So I can do whatever the hell I want"

Gamora rolled her eyes. She too, was excited to see somewhere new but still feared of the unknown. After what she had done, Thanos could have assassins waiting for her on every planet. She pushed this worry out of her mind and looked at Peter.

She realised then that whenever she had a bad thought, she looked at him for comfort, he reminded her of what she has now and that she is safe, away from Thanos and Nebula.

Xorad was... underwhelming.

Okay, it was horrible. The ground was grey and bare and the buildings were like white blocks, plain and boring. Also it was raining, so yeah, it doesn't get worse than that.

"What the hell is this?! I thought you said we were going on vacation!" Rocket hissed staring wide eyed at the desolate landscape then at Peter.

"I did say that and we are. Look, we're just going to have to make the most of it, the next planet is like 400 clicks away"

"I like this planet" Drax said.

"Thank you Drax! See Rocket, a bit of positivity is possible!"

"I said I liked it, I never said I was positive about the outcome of having an enjoyable time."

Gamora sighed. She only agreed to come here because Peter seemed so happy at the idea of a 'vacation' whatever that is, and she felt guilty for how she treated him last night and this morning.

"I am sure there is somewhere decent to stop. There are inhabitants here which means there must be some form of entertainment around"

Peter did an over exaggerated nod in agreement and with the sound of Rocket's cursing behind them they filed out of the Milano one by one.

They walked around Xorad for what seemed like hours. Peter checked his watch and saw that it had only been 10 points.

"Rocket's right, this su-"

"Did you just say I was right?! Hahaha, say it again so I can completely fully concentrate on every syllable of that sentence!"

"No! I mean your right about this place sucking. Let's go back to the ship, I don't wanna catch a cold with all this rain"

"How can you possibly catch coldness?" Drax asked, confused as usual.

"No it's a Terran thi- Ugh. Never mind let's just go."

They each turned around to trail back on the path where they came from when Gamora froze.

"Gamora?" Peter asked concerned.

She did not reply, she simply drew her swords and charged ahead.

Confusion swirling in his head he yelled after her when he realised what she had seen. Up ahead we're about sixteen skrulls running towards Gamora. Without hesitation Peter activated his rocket boots and took off towards Gamora's aid. It must be Thanos he thought as he blasted one of their heads off.

He heard Drax laughing behind him, enjoying himself way too much as he sliced through skulls and Rocket cursing and he put down Groot's pot far away from any danger. Once they had finished their massacre they all stared at Gamora waiting for her to say something. Her eyes darted from each of their faces and before they could say anything she took off sprinting towards the ship. They all looked in awe at her running away but then soon yelled for her as she went further. Now Peter was terribly concerned about her... Gamora, running away?! He told the others to wait while he spoke to her. Something was wrong and he needed to find out what.

As Gamora stumbled aboard the ship her breathing got worse. It was as if her lungs closed and all she felt was burning in her stomach. Her head kept shouting at her to breath but she couldn't. All she could do was think of Thanos and how he would not stop until he found her and he made sure she and her friends were dead. The thought made her legs buckle, crashing on the metal floor, now she really could not breathe. For the first time in a long time she was terrified. Her body was reacting without her again and she could not regain control. She thought one of the skrulls must have poisoned her somehow, because she has never felt so weak in her life. She was just about to attempt to stand up when a voice cut through the air.

"Gamora?" It was Peter making his way up the ladder.

She could not choke out a response as her eyes started to water. When he saw her his eyes widened.

"Gamora?!!" The fear in his voice was obvious and usually she would be irritated at his concern but she was so frightened herself. He ran over to her and instantly dropped to the floor to be near her.

" _Oh my God Gamora what's wrong?! - wh-what do I do? What's happening?!"_

Gamora could only stare though watery eyes in response. She could feel the expression of pure fear suffocating her face, an expression she has not shared with either of them before.

"Hey - _please_ Gamora what's wrong? Talk to me!" Peters eyes were even wider and he kept looking around the ship to see what he could do to help her. The sheer fright and concern she saw on Peter's face, forced her to attempt to choke out a response.

"I - l can't... I can't breathe" she gestured at her lungs desperately, trying to regain her control.

Peter seemed to relax a little - just a little as it hit him as to what was happening.

"You're having a _panic attack?!_ " He looked at her in incredulity.

"Okay Gamora look at me- Hey! _Look at me_. Focus on me, okay?"

Gamora was desperate for composure so did exactly what he said. She stared into those warm hazel eyes and followed his every word.

"Breath with me. Okay?"

He inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower. He repeated this over and over, every so often telling her she was okay. Eventually? Gamora was in sinc with him after many raged and chocked breaths.

"Good! Good, now keep going until your head clears."

She did exactly that. The thoughts in her head eventually scurried away and her mind was just left full of Peter, she concentrated on his eyes. After she started gaining her composure tears started streaming out of her eyes which startled her so much she latched onto Peter's torso.

"What just.. what just happened to me?!"

Peter wrapped his arms around her.

"You're not going to believe this" he mumbled

"You had a panic attack Gamora."

His voice was soft and soothing.

At this she pushed herself off of him, obviously gaining her strength back because she almost pushed him over.

"What?!!"

Peter's eyes looked deeply into her face, concerned and upset.

"You just freaked out, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I had them all the time when I was with Yondu, that was how I knew yo- "

"A panic attack?! That's what that was? No, no way it was more than that, I couldn't breathe! It must have been one of the skrulls, they must hav-"

"Gamora." Peter grabbed her hands in an attempt to calm her. "It wasn't the skrulls." He stared at her hard.

"You are allowed to be afraid."

"I am not afraid!" Gamora yanked her hands from Peter and stormed off to her room, leaving Peter siting there on the floor, eyes still sad and low. The other guardians were just boarding the ship.

"Quill, is everything okay?" Rocket asked almost timidly, sounding the slightest bit concerned.

"Where's Gamora?" Drax echoed.

There was a pause.

"No Rocket, everything is not okay."

That evening in his room, Peter thought about the hell of a day he'd just had. First Gamora was off with him, then he tried to have a nice family vacation, which did in fact end in disaster like Gamora had predicted. The they were attacked by skrulls which cause Gamora to... to...

Peter tried to pushed the thought out of his head but all he could see was her. When he climbed the ladder all he could hear was Gamora shrieking and chocking. In those 3 seconds it took him to reach the top all sorts of thoughts were going through his head. And when he got there, and saw her on the floor, shaking and not breathing, he'd never felt anything like it; his heart was in his throat, fear and worry and panic shook his body as he knelt down beside her. This was Gamora- the strongest, bravest and most beautiful woman he'd ever known, next to his Mother. And there she was, eyes wide and scared with panic, staring into his for support, he could feel her shaking in his hands and when she latched onto him he knew how bad it was...

All because of what Thanos has done to her. Anger built inside him then. If he could, he would kill Thanos with no hesitation. But no one can seem to take down that mad Titan.

It had been about 3 hours since he last spoke to Gamora. The others were in the cockpit, laughing at something Groot did but every so often he could hear them discuss about Gamora and her well being.

Peter paused his music and got up. He walked next door to Gamora's room. The door was shut in tight, so tight it looked as though it may never open. He knocked on the door lightly.

"Gamora? It's Peter."

He was surprised to hear her invite him inside and without hesitation he pushed the door open (which was definitely wedged in) and entered the room.

Gamora was sitting in her bed, staring hard at the floor. He knew she had been crying, he heard it earlier, but she had managed to compose herself and look as elegant as ever. Peter sat on the bed next to her.

"Hey, about earlier, you don't have to worry, I won't tell the others what happened. And you definitely don't have to embarrassed in front of me because I would never judge yo-"

"I am not embarrassed Peter." Gamora shifted and put her head on Peter's shoulder.

"Not in front of you."

Peter took this as the greatest compliment she had ever given him. He sat there, trying not to get too excited, due to the circumstances. He was just about to say something when Gamora whispered

"I would have allowed you to inform the others. They are my friends and I know they would not judge me because they know what we have all been through. They would understand."

Peter nodded in agreement.

"Thank you." Gamora whispered.

"For earlier? Don't sweat it, I've had more than enough panic attacks to know how to calm someone down."

"No, not just for earlier... just... thank you." Gamora raised her head to meet Peter's, they were only inches apart.

"You really scared me earlier." Peter confessed, face hardening as the image of her on the floor again seeped into his head.

"I know." She said and she rested her head back on his shoulder.

They sat like that for ages in silence. Not an awkward silence, the type of silence when you are beside someone so close that you can communicate without words and know that the other person is more than comfortable being beside you.


End file.
